Friday, November 7, 2008
i don't know why, must be because of the late night or dawn stupidness occurs to me i feel like writing this sorta lovey dovey stuff, not too lovey dovey actually just life perspective. here it goes:-
there was never a moment when you don't want love to happens in your life. maybe they are once or twice. when you are heart broken. but it's the part of the life, you just have to accept it and simply move on. some people don't want to do this. I understand why. because, you just don't know how to let it go. not because you love them too much, maybe you do. but waiting for something that is not sure, will you take the risk? i took it. waiting. waiting. waiting. never tired of it. cause there was nothing to tarnish my hope. i was going down for a while then i got back up again. just don't know how to let go. that's it. i know that. but no one teaches me how to, so just carry on till i found the person who can teach me and make me let go off the past. some people said that i understood this things like a mature adult but i'm just a simple 13 years old girl who stood aside watching her friends involves in monkey-love-trouble and hope to be there at the right time to comfort them before they left. yeah, i'm forgetable, invisible, transparent. never try to walk alone, never try to go out from the shadows. someday i will, when the time is right i hope. giving in easily, yes i do. i want to take care of the feelings of peoples around me, even though i make them angry sometimes but i cannot do anything else than just make them feel good, happy, superior, what ever they wanted to feel. i want to help, even though being taken advantage at. that is the stupid part of me even though i'm good in studying. everyone have their stupidity in theirselves right? there are no such thing as perfectness in this unperfect world. lack of self confidence, yeah, i really need people to make me feel confidence even one percent in anything. i took people's thought about me, i never thought what i think of myself. what i care all these years is, what he or she thinks about me, am i good? am i bad? i never thought to move on. just stay like this. people happy, i'm happy. if i feel sad, i'll just go somewhere or do something to make me happy. cry? not always, always when i watched some really pitiful drama or read books or anything that is sad, that is my weakness, don't cry next to me. I'll end up crying too, if i can't do any help. family? i hate. most of them. i love. most of them. that is life, sometimes we love sometimes we hate. cousins? i love. some. i dislike. quite a lot. boys? male. okay. crushes. heartbreaker. friend. lovers. i love my brothers. my male cousins. i love to hang around them. they didn't talk about partners much. i really dislike people who always -which is almost 24/7- talks about their partner. wish that i could tell them to shut up and i don't care. friends. i love my male friends, they are easier to hang out with. girls? girls talk. interest. boys. never talk about your partner next to me everytime we met. i will avoid you if you do. we need to have the same interest so that we have something to share so the friendship wouldn't be so boring. boys, just tell me the need-to-know about them to go so detail, i don't care unless you take want me to be with him. lovers? never a true one. i couldn't stand for just only a month, sorry. but no sorry. him? i love. till now. i don't know till when. 'till death do us apart'. yea, right. i hope i can find another him. forget him. leave him with his happiness. for now, his happiness would always equal to mine. sometimes it doesn't actually. once again, i want peoples around me to be happy. thank you for just being happy. i love my family. i love some of my cousins. i love my SuperGBSKs friends. i love him, for now. love.
for him:-
i wish time can stop the moment i know i love you. i can live the time before you exist in my life, i wish i can live too even after you had gone away from my life. you are my destiny. i don't believe that. you are just simply another stop before i continue my life journey, i wish. i wish this love will stop the moment the heart stop beating or the moment i know how to let go. how to go on. for now, you are love.
DONE. this was for listening too much love song at 3 in the morning. and i'm not sleepy yet. that's it for now. i'm out. -forever love.
A5th posted at 2:32 AM
